So after the end of a relationship with time things are meant to get easier …. Better …. They were then I relapsed . My mind running things over and over .. Replaying situations and precious moments. I need to remember that we wasn’t like that anymore , more hate then love , more bad then good. Why can’t I jut let go completely ? Why is it so hard ? The fear of the unknown and the fear of not finding love again is terrifying . The ghosts of relationships past just won’t stop haunting me. I just want to stop hurting ….
When you start to really know someone, all his physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in his energy, recognize the scent of his skin. You see only the essence of the person,not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.
—Lisa Unger, Beautiful Lies (via faithhealthlife)
gvillaflor asked: I just wanted you to know, i understand what you're going through. But you're the better person, and you're going to see the light again.
I hope so it’s such a lonely place
"Gen, you are my daughter and you are my blood. I have never made you cry only when im truly angry but not purposely" -true wake up call. I could count the times my dad has made me cry on one hand and ive known him all my life. Whereas you, i dont even know where to begin.
why is returning to myself so rocky
everyone says to me
you should just be glad to be free of him!
free of that nonsense!
and I am
but I am also very sorry
for how much I wasted my time
and how right it seemed to do it at the time
Love is such a strong emotion it clouds your judgement , what I’ve learnt since my split with my ex is that choices I’ve made through the time we were together were ones to benefit him and not myself. MY life’s choices were determined by him … Controlled and mentally abused slowly so I didn’t notice . Everything I did was for him . I don’t like being on my own I feel lonely even when surrounded by people … But then do I want to be with someone I love who hurts me over and over and feel just as alone ? I woke up with an emptiness inside me thinking his fine without me but the realisation of it all is that he won’t be happy in the end , anything good in his life not came from me. His got no drive no ambition no faith , no respect .
As much as it hurts and tips me apart I know deep down in the long run this was ment to happen. I just wish it could have been different. Now I have to make better choices for ME .
So I thought he would have contacted me at some point by Monday … Instead his added every slut Around on Facebook. So he put the final nail in the coffin. I then had to have a driving lesson after the shock sick feeling of seeing them all. Since then I’ve tried my best to get on with things being a single women , and already been asked on date no I’m not ready yet … But boy was it a confidence boost when I was at my lowest.
I’ve had time to reflect on the past few years and the first few we’re wonderful .. After that it started to rot. I don’t know how I allowed myself to stay with someone who was so vulgar towards me. I have. Chance to change my life and one day even find love again. Everything happens for a reason and I believe that time heals everything … Even a broken heart .
It’s Insane how your feelings can just change from being so strong to being rock bottom In a matter of seconds. It’s only been 3 days with no contact. His not spoken to me I haven’t spoken to him. I woke up feeling so low and helpless and just wanting someone there to hold me while I cried in there chest … But the reality Is that I haven’t got anyone there for me like that. So I got myself out of bed , did some cleaning and went to the gym. On my way I found some empowerment deep inside of myself, weighing the pros and the cons …. With the long run picture showing I’m better off . I felt some sort of hope.
I’ve been dieting for the past 3 months to make myself feel better and I’ve lost 33lbs (2st5lbs) I did 8 miles of cardio at the gym , letting out my frustration and hurt . I carried on feeling a state of power over my life this afternoon … I got home showered sat down , and hit rock bottom again. Why doesn’t he bother to even try to speak to me ? Isit my fault even though I did everything possible to help the boy. Is he happy without me ? I find myself questioning everything . How do I let go …….?